Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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