i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
