I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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