My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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