there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
