tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
