is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
