fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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