Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
