just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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