If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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