I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
