he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
