Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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