just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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