sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
