Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
