it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
