Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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