Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
