Porn is love you can see.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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