Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
