Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
