I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
