I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
