i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
did you just send me my own nude
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
