I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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