I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
