Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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