"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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