and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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