your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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