Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
