We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
