My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
