I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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