I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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