Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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