So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
