I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
