yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
