i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
