That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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