Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
