Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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