false alarm. still invincible.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
