Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he thought i was a dude.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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