As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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