we're blogging at a bar
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
