There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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